For those who might wonder how to deal with long distance relationship, I do share with your concerns and scares right now. I used to keep a long-distance relationship with my husband for two years when he was in his long-term business trip in Vietnam.
Such a hard time at first because the extra distance made many things unachievable and I felt our relationship is vulnerable and even at risk.
Fortunately, we got over and learned lessons to enhance our long-term relationship together. And, I have some advice for you.
Do Long-Distance Relationships Work?
Yes, the distance can even make your relationship better, in some ways.
According to the survey by Queen’s University in 2015 on more than 1,100 couples in their 20s, intimacy, commitment, communication, and even sexual satisfaction of people in a long-distance relationship was the same as those in close relationships. The reason was “the distance encourages greater and deeper communication.”
From my personal experience, I do find that the time we learn how to deal with long distance relationship brings exclusive benefits:
- We know ways to keep in touch and communicate effectively.
- For the long-distance relationship, we know both parties must be committed and engaged.
- You must be more independent and stronger to solve problems without your partner by your side.
- A long-distance relationship enhances trust and sharing.
- We treasure and enjoy every moment we are physically together.
- The long-term relationship increases the chances of traveling and new adventures.
- You have off days and time for yourself.
Long-Distance Relationship Problems
Long-distance relationships do work. Nonetheless, they are also breakable without the commitment and efforts of the two. In fact, there are some common problems facing almost all long-distance couples.
Every relationship should and must build on trust. However, distance makes the trust suspicious.
For that reason, you might be crying on your pillow, thinking “Is he/she cheating me on the other side?” Then, you are overwhelmed with resentment, doubt, suspicion, jealousy, and paranoia. Eventually, you keep asking and controlling your partner too much, which ends up pulling you two mentally and physically apart.
The major means of communication between long-distance couples are phone calls or video calls. And when it comes to keeping in touch, you might suffer from serious problems
For example, a lack of communication.
As mentioned, when you love someone miles away, you should keep greater and deeper communications. However, different time zones or other stuff prevent you from doing so. Even worse, you might find no interesting topics to share with your partner.
At that time, you are stonewalling, meaning you both are packed with second-guessing, self-doubt, and frustration, like “It is two days since her/his last call. Doesn’t she/he care about me any longer?”
Or, you are too possessive that you check on him/her too frequently.
Rather than infrequent communication, another common issue for long-distance lovers is that one of you wants to talk or text all the time. It makes sense that the extra miles grow insecure and jealous. However, your partner eventually feels tired when you grasp and control them too tightly.
Misunderstanding is also commonly occurred.
It is hard to convey your true feeling via videos or bare words. Thus, communication breakdowns happen sometimes and can lead to more serious problems if you do not deal with them properly.
People in a long-distance relationship are more sensitive about their partner’s relationships with others. The lack of trust and miscommunication makes the green-eyed monster worse.
Consequently, you are taken over by the jealousy and do silly things that ruin your relationship, for example, keep asking where she/he is and who she/he is with. Or, you get upset with his/her friends insanely.
Your lover will end up like Justin Bieber “But when you told me that you hated my friends. The only problem was with you and not them …”
Loneliness and insecure
Loneliness is unavoidable.
When you have a bad day or low point due to the lack of passion at work, you just want a warm hug or an encouraging kiss. However, your boyfriend or girlfriend is miles away or even on the other side of the world. That time, the loneliness even tenses your mood and you are disappointed with the long-distance relationship.
Not to mention, you feel chronically insecure for not engaging with him/her in an authentic and intimate way as others.
In a long-distance relationship, time is an unfair rival that you are unable to fight against.
Imagine that you two are in two different time zones, and after a hard-working day, you just want to call your partner. However, in the very next moment, you realize the fact that she/he might be at work or might be asleep.
The time limitations result in a lack of communication, which turns into insecure feelings and mistrust.
How to Deal with Long Distance Relationship?
Keep both advantages and disadvantages of the long-distance relationships in mind and you do not need to worry so much.
Take notes some long-distance relationship tips here below:
- Excessive communications are not necessary. Keep a balance by investing the preferred time and frequencies of your partner. Then, agree upon schedules. Yet, do not communicate as a rule. You should be always creative. For example, warm up your relationship, you can write a love letter to your lover on special occasions.
- Learn to trust your boyfriend or girlfriend. See the relationship as an opportunity to test on the love. When you are apart from others for a while, you will be bound together better then.
- When there is a possible problem, try to talk with your partner honestly and solve it together. Do not burn all negative feelings insides and suffer all by yourself.
- Visit each other when you have time and on special days. A kiss or hug after time is like fireworks, confetti, and rainbows. Still, do not visit too much frequently and leave you two jail-free spaces.
- Spend time for other relationships. Remember that both of you have friends and families. To keep you from negative loneliness and insecure feelings, you should enjoy yourself with people near you. They can also give you good advice.
In truth, how to deal with long distance relationship is based on your own problem. Nonetheless, keep some tips above into consideration. They might help you sometimes. And I always wish best lucks for your relationship and you two will be forever happy together.